Happy Festivus to all!
When it comes to Christmas, I agree with this dude. Image from Flickr.
Festivus has become a special day to many people. Every year, Americans look forward to the airing of grievances and performing feats of strength. “Festivus for the rest of us” is music to the ears of people who are freaking fed up with Christmas.
Technically, the airing of grievances is supposed to be a time when you tell your family how they’ve disappointed you over the past year. However, my family has not disappointed me (probably because they live in different states). Still, I don’t want to eschew holiday tradition, so let the airing of grievances begin!
Grievance 1: Christmas consumerism
Christmas gift giving is ridiculous. People take out personal installment loans, max out their credit cards and drain their savings account to get their friends and family a bunch of useless crap. Have you ever noticed that in news stories the terms “Americans” and “consumers” are used interchangeably? Do you see anything wrong with that?
I’ve gotten Christmas presents that I have never, ever used. But I keep them. Why? Because they were gifts! And because Christmas creates enough waste as it is. After all the wrapping paper, boxes and decorations that end up in the trash every year, I don’t need to toss the gifts I get on top of it. Hey, fellow Americans! We all have enough crap! Stop buying it already!
Grievance 1, part 2: Christmas trees
So there is a bunch of land out there being used to grow trees. And there are a bunch of trees that will, upon maturation, be cut down, dragged inside and put on display for a few days and then thrown away or burned or otherwise disposed of. Do you know how long it takes to grow a tree? Only to have it used for decoration for a few days? What a waste of a life!
And why do people do this when there are fake trees available? Trees that last forever. Because it’s tradition. Every time I hear that used as an excuse for doing something totally ridiculous and wasteful it makes me want to barf.
Grievance 2: The health care debate
I know, I know, you are probably sick of hearing about health care. So, I will keep the airing of this grievance short. All I have to say is that if every other developed country in the world is doing it, what in the hell is wrong with us? The priorities in this country are so screwed up when the government is catering to private organizations rather than taking care of its citizens.
People complain about the money it will cost. Are you freaking kidding me? After all of the crap the government spends money on without ruffling a single feather, people are complaining about spending money on keeping people alive? Seriously. Enough already.
Grievance 3: Apostrophe errors
We are coming close to then end of the airing of grievances, but it’s not over until I get this one off my chest. Welcome to my yearly tradition: writing a rant about how much it bothers me when people screw up apostrophe usage. I can’t really explain why it’s this particular punctuation error that gets under my skin, but that’s just the way life is.
So here goes. DO NOT throw apostrophes into plural words. Don’t write “your” when you mean “you are.” That’s “you’re.” Apostrophes are used for contractions — like you’re — and in possessive words. “It’s” means “it is.” And until everyone quits screwing this up, each year on Festivus for the Rest of Us, my airing of grievances will include this angry reminder.
